It was a strange way to wake up, to say the least.

First, there was the fact that it was still dark out. Blinking owlishly, Kagome craned up her neck from the fragrant softness beneath her and peered around, genuinely befuddled. Staring hard for a moment at the faintly sparkling walls, the shadowy, swaying outline of the vines, it dawned on her at last in a dizzying rush—the cave, the full moon…

The phantom masseur.

Kagome blushed. This last part she might have convinced herself she’d just dreamed up. But then there was the sheer luxuriousness she felt down to her bones—and the fact that she was still lying here, clothed only in her underwear.

That, the miko decided with a twist of the lips, was a bit harder to simply brush off.

After a long, lazy stretch, she eased herself up and slowly re-dressed, still feeling drowsily content as she wandered her way back to the inn. Rising the next morning after a few more hours of the deepest, most restful sleep she could remember, Kagome felt like a brand new person—

In more ways than one.

She scarcely realized she was humming to herself, as she packed up the group’s scattered belongings and prepared to depart—until she caught Sango smiling over at her.

“You’re in good spirits, Kagome-chan.”

Touching a hand to one heated cheek, the miko smiled back. “Yeah,” she said brightly, “I guess I am.”

~

Even days later, she still felt refreshed. It was subtler now, of course, but there was bounce in her step that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t new exactly—more like something she hadn’t realized she’d been missing.

Despite the grueling pace Inuyasha set, she didn’t feel worn down anymore in the ways that mattered most. Even collapsing around the campfire with the others after another hard day of adventure, she found herself laughing and talking more freely than she had in months. It was as if she’d shed her insecurities like a layer of dead, heavy skin, and underneath she was herself once again.

And so, when she came upon Inuyasha, sitting alone on his usual hilltop perch and frowning off toward some point in the distance, she felt as though she was seeing him with fresh eyes.

“Hi, there.”

His silver ears pricked as he turned toward her. Setting down the basket of herbs she’d been gathering, Kagome knelt beside him in the grass.

“Thinking about Kikyou?” she asked him.

Inuyasha’s expression deepened to a scowl—then darkened in confusion when Kagome giggled behind her hand.

“Hey,” he demanded gruffly, “what the hell’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” she said mildly. “There’s no need to get defensive. It was a rhetorical question, really—I can always tell when you’re thinking about her.”

Inuyasha peered at her, his hackles still raised. “Oh yeah?”

Kagome nodded. “You get this faraway, troubled look in your eyes.”

The hanyou shifted, stuffing his arms that much deeper into his sleeves. “…Well, whatever. You gonna go home to see your folks while we’re here?”

The miko smiled. He was trying to change the subject—for both their sakes.

“Inuyasha,” she said to him after a moment, “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you before.”

The hanyou’s wary frown returned. “About what?”

“About Kikyou. Last time you went to see her, I told you I was okay with it. But I wasn’t.” Briefly, she paused, holding his gaze. “I think you knew it, too—and you went anyway.”

Inuyasha’s jaw went tight. “Kagome, I…”

With an inward sigh, she glanced off toward the horizon—until the clasp of his claws around her shoulders drew her attention back. His amber eyes gleamed, his voice low and rough with emotion.

“You know that I care for you—after all we’ve been through, you have to know that.”

“I know,” Kagome said gently, pressing her fingers to his. “But you care for Kikyou more.”

Inuyasha stared at her, conflict warring through his gaze as he struggled to respond. But in Kagome’s mind, his wavering hold on her was answer enough.

“…It’s complicated,” he muttered at last.

“It shouldn’t be,” Kagome replied. There was no heat behind her words; she spoke them simply and clearly, with calm assurance. “What I mean to say is that if your heart’s divided on my account, well then, stop dividing it.” As his eyes widened at her in surprise, she said earnestly to him, “Go and be with her, Inuyasha. You’re a special person to me, and I want you to be happy.”

“But,” the hanyou faltered, one set of claws falling from her, “what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right.”

Kagome smiled, lowering his hand from her shoulder with a squeeze. The ache in her chest was bittersweet. There was pain in letting him go, but there was peace as well. A sense of relief, a notion of ‘rightness’ that was more than just a feeling. It was a firm conviction.

She would always care for Inuyasha. Because they had been through so much together over the years, because she had grown up with him in many ways, her heart had attached itself to him to the point that she had lost her own bearings. It was easy to blame him, to blame Kikyou, even. But clinging to a man who didn’t want her was her own mistake. And not what she wanted, at any rate.

There was clarity, she’d discovered, in the contrast.

Looking off to the west again, Kagome realized now what it was she was really looking for—and she would recognize it when she felt it.

---

Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi

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