“What can I do with my happiness? How can I keep it, conceal it, bury it where I may never lose it? I want to kneel as it falls over me like rain, gather it up with lace and silk, and press it over myself again.”

— Anaïs Nin, Henry and June

 

 

Kagome frowned as she paced her rooms, restless as a prowling dog. Her arms were crossed at the chest. Her spine was taut as a wire.

Three times already that night she had gone to check on Saitou, just to have some task to occupy her. But he was sleeping soundly now, and if she went back to him again, she’d only wake and worry him.

And then there would be two of them raw-eyed and anxious instead of only one.

Kagome sighed tersely. Drawing to a stop, she drummed her fingers on her upper arm, before pivoting on her heel and returning to her sleeping chamber. In the center of the floor lay a pattern of crystals—stormy grey-black fragments, loosely arranged in a ring that was about as wide as a man’s shoulders. Within the ring, the tatami vanished, replaced by a chill, dark void.

Stepping near the edge, Kagome peered down into that nothingness and scowled.

One hour, Sesshoumaru had told her. He never gave her such definitive timeframes, and of course the one time that he had, he was late. Six hours had passed since then, and where was her husband?

Gods know where, Kagome grumbled to herself.

She had told him this was a bad idea. It was a bad idea for a lot of reasons. But whatever strange vision he’d had proved more powerful than her well-reasoned arguments against it.

Chichi-ue would not have troubled me unless he were in grave peril, Sesshoumaru had countered.

To which Kagome could only protest, He’s dead—how much ‘peril’ can he really be in?

But Sesshoumaru was undeterred. Once he set his mind to something, there was no changing course. He was relentless in his pursuits, as well she knew.

So he had leapt headlong into that nightmarish dimension, and left her alone to guard the one portal that opened to it. If the crystals were disturbed even slightly, he might never find his way back. Of course the first thing Kagome had done was to seal them in place and ward off the whole wing entirely. With how much her aura was already flaring, she had effectively warded it off already—the way the servants had fled the place in a panic.

After that, there had been nothing to do but wait. The first hour wasn’t so terrible. Kagome was able to keep her worst fears at bay. But after that, they had begun to gnaw at her—what if his powers were diminished in that other place? What if the enemies there were stronger than he’d supposed? What if he’d fallen into some trap himself, or worse yet, forgotten that there was another world waiting for him entirely?

“Stupid,” she said now through gritted teeth, glaring down. “So stupid.”

Her first impulse had been to go in after him. But in no uncertain terms, he had forbidden it, and she was compelled to obey.

Even if she weren’t, her better senses would likely have prevailed. She couldn’t put Saitou at risk of losing both parents in one fell swoop. It was too cruel a chance to take.

In the rollercoaster of emotions she’d been looping through these past six hours, she could feel her anxiety cycling back to irritation. She was always more or less angry with him, but she hadn’t felt this upset in quite some time. Not since before Saitou was born, that was for certain.

The feeling was pretty much mutual, as far as Kagome could tell. But the heat had bled out over time, and they had settled into a stalemate of sorts. Nowadays, it was more of a cold war between them.

But perhaps because of the timing, he’d been more agitated than usual. Maybe that was even why he’d struck out on this mad, fool’s quest to begin with. Just to channel away some of the animosity that was always simmering just below the surface, whenever she was near.

For him, the anger was born out of frustration.

Kagome didn’t want to bear another demon child, for all that that entailed. From conception to cradle, birthing Saitou had been nothing but torment. The way she saw it, she’d given Sesshoumaru his son and heir, and that was good enough. Her part was done. She should be able to live in relative peace.

So she denied him when his instincts were in full swing. She fought with him so viciously he backed off at last. He could force her to do many things, but not this.

It wasn’t as though he cared particularly about having more children, anyway—he just didn’t like to be denied.

Well too fucking bad, Kagome thought heatedly. You try holding a ball of fire in your belly for more than a year.

Even now, she wasn’t sure how she’d managed it. It had taken every ounce of skill and endurance she’d possessed. She’d shut herself away in her terror and her suffering, certain she would give birth to something so monstrous she’d have no choice but to kill it after all. Worse yet, it had seemed the baby would never consent to being born, as if he wanted to stay burning away inside her womb forever. At the end of her sanity, Kagome’d had no choice but to evict him from her by force.

When Saitou had come out of her so beautiful and mild, she almost couldn’t believe it.

She loved him. She would have loved him even if he were hideous and mean—but she didn’t want to go through that hell ever again.

Fidgeting, Kagome curved her fingers into the divots at her neck. If Sesshoumaru died, she would know it at once. But this was no reassurance to her.

Two more long hours passed.

Kagome’s nerves were woefully frayed. She didn’t trust her eyes when the portal suddenly blazed. In a blinding rush, Sesshoumaru emerged, lashing out at the crystals with his booted foot to scatter them, and break the circle. The portal closed with a hum. The finely woven flooring reappeared. Standing there, Sesshoumaru panted, visibly drained.

Scrambling up on stiff legs, Kagome rushed over to him. Bakusaiga’s sheath was cracked down the middle. His armor was gone, and bloody slashes glared out through the white silk of his clothes. His hair and fur were a matted mess, the latter smudged with some strange inky, darkness that she was loath to touch.

“What is this?” Kagome muttered, infusing a bit of reiki into her fingers.

But Sesshoumaru grabbed her wrist. “Don’t touch it, even with your power. Light that brazier. Make the flames as bright and high as you can.”

Kagome hastened to do as he said. When the flames were practically leaping out of the bronze bowl, Sesshoumaru approached and held himself grimacing near the radiant heat of it. The clinging darkness melted away like shadow as he turned, basking his fur in the glow. The terrible tension that had lined his features bled out of him. His lashes dipped, his golden eyes reflecting the flames.

“I am tired,” he said heavily.

Kagome’s hands went to her hips. “I’ll bet you are. You were gone for more than eight hours straight!”

Sesshoumaru looked to her sharply. “…The time,” he murmured, his gaze lowering again as he frowned. “It passes differently there.”

At the roughness in his voice, Kagome felt some of her indignation subside. Deflating a little, she sighed.

“I’ll draw you a bath. You’re a wreck.”

While he lingered near the flames, she fetched water to fill the tub in her room and heated it with stones. Lost in thought, he didn’t even glance up as she padded over to him. When she started tugging at his tattered haori, his eyes slid to her.

“Saitou,” he said. “I want to see him.”

“He’s sleeping,” Kagome replied, peeling the gore-crusted silk away from his chest. “You can see him in the morning.”

Sesshoumaru’s eyes slid back to the flames. His voice was flat.

“He despises me.”

Kagome shook her head, sighing again. “Of course he doesn’t! Why would you say that?”

“He told me so himself.”

“Kids say stupid things all the time,” she dismissed with a wave, reaching for the mangled ties of his hakama. “He didn’t mean it.”

“There was loathing in his eyes,” Sesshoumaru insisted. “He sets himself against me for your sake.”

This idea made Kagome uneasy, but she didn’t show it. “So he’s going through a ‘mommy phase’—big deal. He’ll come around. Give him a few years, you’ll see. You’ll be the hero, and I’ll be the enemy.”

Sesshoumaru said nothing to this. Urging him out of his boots, she stripped him the rest of the way and practically dragged him into the bath. The water tinged pink as he settled back against the edge. But already Kagome could tell that even his ugliest-looking wounds were fast on the mend. While she set to scrubbing him down, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes.

She’d thought he might have drifted off, but then he spoke, rumbling and gruff, “…Were you worried for me, Kagome?”

“Sure I was,” she said briskly, her cheeks coloring a little as she dropped one set of claws with a splash and reached for the other. “Who wouldn’t be worried about their husband going off into another dimension? Speaking of which—what a reckless, irresponsible thing to do! You have a young son who’s depending on you. If you’d never come back, where would that leave him?”

Sesshoumaru’s lips curled slightly. “Alone with you, like he has always wanted.”

Kagome slapped the washcloth down on his chest. “Not funny,” she said, glaring at him. “How can you even joke about a thing like that? You really have no taste. A boy needs his father.”

“And his mother?”

“That too,” she said hotly, “but he needs you more. You of all people should know that.”

Sesshoumaru clenched his jaw. Kagome’s shoulders sank; even she knew she’d gone too far with that one. Picking up the cloth, she dipped it and dabbed near his furled claws again. At last, he relaxed his fist, and let her wash his bloody nail beds clean.

“…Did you find him,” she asked softly, “your father?”

Sesshoumaru nodded. “I found him.”

Kagome waited a moment, but when he didn’t say anything else, she pressed him, “And?—what happened? What did he have to say?”

“Much,” Sesshoumaru replied. “There aren’t enough words to describe it to you.”

She frowned at this, but she didn’t think he was being cagey on purpose. Inuyoukai had their own unspoken language, after all.

“Try,” she said stubbornly.

Sesshoumaru’s gaze fixed upon her. She gasped when he took her by the hand and sliced open her palm—only to seal it shut with a slow, stinging scrape of tongue. Kagome shuddered, pulling back, but she thought she understood…

“…I see,” she said, but Sesshoumaru kept his hold on her wrist all the same.

“Don’t go,” he said to her, low and rough.

Kagome’s lips quirked faintly. “Where would I go?”

“Now you are the one making tasteless jokes,” he murmured, his lashes lowering as he traced his tongue along a wound that was no longer there.

“Sesshoumaru…”

“Let’s not argue. I am too weary for it.”

“Just you saying that makes me want to,” Kagome retorted, but there was no real bite behind it.

Against her palm, Sesshoumaru’s lips curved in a way that made her stomach clench—even before he grabbed hold of her and hauled her into the tub. Blood-tinged water sloshed over the sides, staining the tatami as pink as her white sleeping robe. With the silk twisted around her legs, she sprawled awkwardly over him, slipping and fumbling even before he crushed his mouth to hers.

The taste of him was so dark and wild. Just as hungrily as he kissed her, Kagome kissed him back. She couldn’t help but channel her own pent-up frustrations into it. She was too tired to fight them. Too tired to fight him.

Instead she gave herself over to the simple pleasure of it. Greedily, she ran her hands over his warm skin, groped at the hard muscle underneath. She needed to feel him—after all that worry, all that distress that she might never touch him again, she felt starved just to feel him.

“…You’re such a bastard,” she panted as he finally drew away to let her breathe. “‘Don’t go’—that’s my line.”

Sesshoumaru’s hooded eyes roved over her face. “When I was gone, I held an image of you in my mind. But you are so much lovelier than that.”

Kagome flushed even ruddier. “With these bags under my eyes? There’s no way.”

But Sesshoumaru just tipped up her chin and said, “Yes,” before he kissed her again.

It was gentler, this second time around, almost leisurely. But only because they were both exhausted beyond belief.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” she whispered against his lips.

“I won’t.”

“I’ll never forgive you if you do,” she said, rocking against him, savoring the feel of him growing hard between her legs.

“I won’t,” he said again, urging his hips up and into hers.

The stupid robe was still tangled between them. Kagome pulled at it, huffing in exertion. With a chuckle, Sesshoumaru stood, bathwater streaming everywhere as he hefted her up along with him and carried her to the bed. Her back hit the airy mattress, and now it was her mussed clothes being peeled off, her naked skin being exposed to his searching hands. She arched with a moan when he smoothed his palms down from her breasts to her belly, and cupped her precisely where she needed to be held the most.

“Sesshoumaru…Sesshoumaru, I need you,” she breathed out, reaching for him. “Come here…”

Taking hold of his shoulders, she pulled him down to her, wrapped her legs around his waist as he gathered her up in his strong arms. Neither of them had the patience for foreplay. No need for it, either. In the wet seam between her thighs, she felt that blunt, familiar pressure—then the stab that made her cry out before he kissed her again, and softened it into the most excruciating pleasure.

Tears squeezed from her eyes. It had been too long, and she was painfully tight for want of him. And he was so brutally hard for her.

When he sheathed himself inside her to the fullest, her mouth fell open in a silent scream. Her womb quivered, her walls strained—

And it was heaven.

“Do you love me?” he growled against her mouth, as his hips took up that powerful, surging rhythm.

“I love you,” she rasped back, out of her mind as she scratched her nails down his back.

“Say it again.”

Each time that she said it, he told her, “Again.” Each time that she said it, his youki flared higher, and her reiki rose to match it. In tandem, they baited and tempered one another, stoking themselves to heights of euphoria Kagome had never known before.

“I love you!” she cried out, hurtling toward that peak so hard and fast it was blinding. Before he could even prompt her, she was crying out again: “Sesshoumaru! I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Within her, he swelled, and that hard knot of flesh slammed into that sweet spot inside her so exquisitely, she saw stars. At the battered limit of her sex, he spilled himself out, and somehow, she knew…she just knew.

Coming down, Kagome lolled her head to the side. While he buried his face between her shoulder and neck, she gazed out at the night sky through the pale, gauzy curtains listing with the breeze.

Glowing back down at her was a perfect half-moon.

---

Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi

Welp, this is what reading Anaïs Nin on Nyquil will produce, I guess 😂 Never intended to write this story, but it practically wrote itself. Forgive any typos or errors – I’ll clean them up later. Hope y’all enjoyed ❣

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