No more, Sesshoumaru had said. And he had meant it. There had been a cold, hard finality in his voice, like a steel door slamming shut. Like a forbidding spell.
He was gone. Kagome knew it. So why couldn’t she accept it? The bitter pill remained lodged in her throat. She was unable to swallow it down.
Or maybe she was just unwilling.
The end result was the same. She languished on in Edo without him, stuck in her own personal purgatory, stranded in her state of emotional exile. Futile though it was, her stubborn heart rebelled. It remained defiant, divorcing itself from her present circumstances.
She looked wistfully after it. She couldn’t help it. When her heart went wandering, her mind followed after. She stared off, her eyes glazed and distant. Fixed on faraway horizons, searching for what eluded her, for what remained unfelt and unseen.
After an indeterminate amount of time, she would return. Groggy and reluctant, like she’d woken from a deep sleep. It was like a waking dream, and she was drugging herself with it, this self-induced oblivion.
She ought to have disguised it better. She should have tried to compose herself. She should have kept her wretched longing locked away deep inside where no one could see it. But she was too heartbroken to manage it. Too tired to care. She was so damn tired…tired of it all.
She was starting to think that even if the fiery mouth of Hell opened up under her feet and swallowed her whole, it’d have been a relief.
Except for one thing—her baby. The only thought more unbearable to her than suffering on in this way was the thought of abandoning Shin. For his sake she had to keep going, and she would.
So she returned again, to find herself standing on a hilltop with a half-full basket of herbs hanging forgotten in her hand. The sun shone down full and warm on her head and shoulders. The green grass sparkled with summer rain. In the distance, just inside the blooming woods, Shin romped around in his four-legged form, chasing after chipmunks.
He was a flash of white to her eyes, so quick now that the poor chipmunks didn’t stand a chance. To make the hunt more challenging, he was flushing and corralling them, cutting them off at the pass until he could snatch up a whole gaggle of them in a single snap. With his plumed tail wagging high like a ghostly flame, he’d trot over to Kagome to show her the fruits of his efforts—dangling broken and bloody from his fanged, fuming jaws. The sight made her sad and slightly nauseated every time. But she’d praise him anyway, and feel guiltily relieved when he’d tip back his shaggy head and crunch them down, out of sight. If there was a chipmunk left alive in these woods by the end of the summer, she’d be Miss Japan.
Kagome turned from her son toward the village. She hadn’t sensed him before, but now she saw him, leaning back against an oak tree behind her with his arms crossed. Inuyasha’s face was shadowed, but she could still see the gimlet gleam of his eyes, watching her. She felt his frown through the shadows. He frowned at her a lot these days.
She looked at him. He looked at her. Both of them seemed to be waiting for something to break the silence. But between them it loomed on. How long it lasted, Kagome couldn’t say. Then Shin came loping up the hill, empty-mouthed and dragging, as if called back sooner from play than he would’ve liked. Inuyasha turned his face aside.
“Let’s go,” he said, and so they went.
Kagome dreaded nightfall. She dreaded laying down for bed. She’d kiss Inuyasha goodnight and turn over onto her side, away from him. She’d curl herself slightly in, close her eyes and pray for him to be too tired. Sometimes he was.
But not that night.
He reached for her. He rolled her over underneath him and undid the sash of her sleeping robe. Kagome screwed her eyes shut, but she didn’t protest it. She didn’t want this, but she didn’t have the will to deny him, either. He kissed her open-mouthed, and she endured it. He roved his hands and mouth over her naked body, and she endured this, too. He tried his best to arouse her, but it was hopeless. Sometimes when he pressed into her, she set her nails against him and wept. But tonight she lay there listless, slack and skewered like something half-dead.
After just a few thrusts, Inuyasha pulled out of her. Mixed guilt and relief washed through her. He pulled away from her entirely. Raking a clawed hand over his face, he shook his head. Kagome touched a hand to his bent spine.
“Are you okay?”
Inuyasha’s eyes flashed back at her, blazing with hurt and frustration. “No,” he snapped, “I’m not fucking okay.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I wish I knew,” he said bitterly. “You used to want me, and now you don’t. I don’t understand it. I don’t know what else to do. I try to be a good husband to you. I try to make you happy. But no matter what I do, you either cry your eyes out or lay there like you’re dead.” He shook his head again. “I can’t take it anymore. It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel like I—” Kagome heard him grind his fangs—“like I’m forcing you…”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“No, you’re not,” he bit out, turning away from her entirely. “You’re just glad that it’s over.”
Kagome bowed her head, knowing it was true. On opposite sides of the bed, they sat there in the darkness, together but alone. His voice came to her as if from afar, the words slightly strangled as if he’d choked them down before, but couldn’t any longer—
“I love you so much. But you don’t love me anymore.”
Kagome thought she’d grown inured to pain. But his words were a fresh knife to her heart, a stab so raw it stole her breath and scorched her eyes.
“I still love you, Inuyasha,” she said faintly, sincerely. “I’ll always love you.”
He lowered himself to his side, away from her. “Just go to sleep.”
Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi
OMG Poor Inuyasha! I understand Kagome’s reaction, but it was only a matter of time before he felt absolutely rejected. Glad to see you back with an update, and I hope you had a fantastic time!
Thank you, Tsuyoku, I had such a wonderful time! Hope you enjoy the next part! <3
Man… She really just needs to come out with the truth. This is so bad. Everyone is suffering.
I’m so happy you’re back and that you had your dream wedding and honeymoon. I wish you the best in your marriage
Thanks so much for the well wishes, Kathy! Appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the scene & hope you enjoy the next! <3
oh my gosh, I mean, yeah he has kind of been forcing himself on her, she’s been very clear with her body language if not actual words. So sad but it’s gonna hurt all over again when he learns who her romantic feelings are actually for 😬 At least he didn’t get angry, but I’m sure he will, hope he doesn’t start drinking about it 🙄
Yeah it could go a lot of ways for sure – thanks for sharing! <3
Ooooof! At least Inuyasha is somewhat perceptive to the whole situation. Honestly, I hope they both mutually agree to go separate ways. Whether it’s him leaving and starting anew or Kagome doing it, though I don’t know where she’d go 👀 Back through the well maybe? The good ole trip to moms before the eventual separation? West? To the slayer village????
Ahhhh I can’t wait for the next update!
So happy you had fun on your honeymoon!! And that you’re back safe & sound!
Thank you, mim! It was such a wonderful trip all around!
“At least Inuyasha is somewhat perceptive to the whole situation.” – yep slowly but surely he’s catching on…
Love hearing your thoughts on what might happen next & so glad you’re stoked for the next update!! <3
Heartbreaking. Neither seem willing to extricate themselves from this mutual hell of their own creation.😥
Ahh so sad, but true – well said, friend <3 Hope you enjoy the next part!!
Oh yay, you’re back! I’m glad that you had a wonderful time at your wedding and honeymoon 🥰
I’m rooting for Kagome’s stubborn heart to hold on. Their story isn’t over yet! A huge chunk of it is still lodged firmly in her little baby’s happy grin, and he’s keeping it very safe.
Though I can’t say the same for the poor, terrrorized wildlife 😭 Half of me mourns for all the chipmunk families in the forest, while the other half of me is just SQUEEING at his amazing hunting prowess. Yes baby!! You sho good at stalking and trapping your prey! You’re a natural!!!
“I’m glad that you had a wonderful time at your wedding and honeymoon 🥰” – aww thank you so much! We had a blast!!
“Half of me mourns for all the chipmunk families in the forest, while the other half of me is just SQUEEING at his amazing hunting prowess. ” – hahaha yeah it’s mixed feelings for sure! he’s ferocious lol
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Kagome’s predicament here! Hope you enjoy the next part!!
I think the romance was snuffed out a long time ago, even before Kagome’s pact with Sesshoumaru, and the only thing keeping them together was familiarity, loyalty, and lingering affection 🥲 Now that her heart’s set on Sesshoumaru (broken as it is) all that’s gone to ashes. If Inuyasha really is pretending, then I guess even this is too much for him to ignore.
I wonder if some part of him is relieved by this too? There’s something off-beat when he says that he loves her. My mind keeps lingering on the mating mark. Whether or not he knows what it does or means, why has he never tried to bite her? It should’ve been instinctual and natural to want to bind her to him, just as it was instinctual for Shin to hunt prey, communicate in beast speech, and understand the subtleties of inu pack dynamics and body language. What does he think about their differing lifespans? There’s so many things about Inuyasha that tell the opposite of what he says.
Love this analysis, oskorreia! You raise so many good points – definitely lots to mull over here. Things are certainly not as they seem…
Thanks so much for taking the time to lay out your thoughts! Hope you enjoy the next chapter <3
Kagome’s heart misses her mate 💔 I bet Sess misses her too but knowing him he’s most likely making his sore feelings everyone else’s problem ;-; So he’s either inflicting himself on Jakken or inflicting himself on other demons that cross his borders.
I wish either of these dog brothers learn to communicate better 😭
“So he’s either inflicting himself on Jakken or inflicting himself on other demons that cross his borders” – hahaha he does have a history of lashing out XD
Thanks for sharing, hanayome! Hope you enjoy the next part <3
“I love you so much. But you don’t love me anymore.”
BYEEEE my heart is breaking in two for Inuyasha 😩💔 I think he might even end up leaving her first before she confesses. Gosh I really have no idea how this’ll all play out 😬
“BYEEEE my heart is breaking in two for Inuyasha ” – mine too…. ;_; That line hurt to write 💔
Thanks for sharing, bella! Hope you enjoy how things play out from here <3
kagome and inuyasha’s relationship: 🥀
it took him so long to even acknowledge that an issue existed in the first place. too little too late 😭
“kagome and inuyasha’s relationship: 🥀” – ahhhh that is spot-on! The perfect emoji (and the Beauty & the Beast feels 😭)
Thanks for sharing, rehizakki! <3
Welcome back! I hope you and your spouse had a beautiful honeymoon 🤗💖
Hehe I googled ‘how long until baby bump shows’ because I know nothing about pregnancies and I’m still harboring hopes for a bun in the oven 🤭 They haven’t mentioned it yet. There’s still a chance XDD
I don’t know if it’s better or worse that their relationship has reached this point before the reveal. I think Kagome is too numb to care, but maybe it might not come as such an extreme shock for Inuyasha? Would still hurt like hell tho 🤕
You’re like me when I found out my first cat might be pregnant 🤣 I too can’t help the little girl wish to see more pups.
” I hope you and your spouse had a beautiful honeymoon 🤗💖” – thank you!! It was amazing!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the scene, nagisaa! Hope you enjoy how the story develops from here <3
Ah, are they finally throwing in the towel? Admitting that this marriage isn’t working out for them anymore? 😢 Well, I’m curious to see how they’ll move forward after this. Just so happens that last week I watched a documentary about marriages in Edo period Japan, and it mentions that the husband could divorce the wife but the wife’s only option is to flee to a temple.
I wonder what Inuyasha’s choice would be if it came down to it? He’s extremely dependent on her emotionally, though, so maybe letting her go would never cross his mind either.
Besides that, Sess better come back soon otherwise Shin might forget who he is. Babies need consistent nurturing and familiarity for their little minds! I’m miffed that he hasn’t even visited his son for all these months. Bad dog. 😤
“Just so happens that last week I watched a documentary about marriages in Edo period Japan, and it mentions that the husband could divorce the wife but the wife’s only option is to flee to a temple.” – ooh what documentary was it? Sounds right up my alley! I really enjoyed Age of Samurai on Netflix 🙂
Love hearing your thoughts on all the dynamics at play, Kova! Thanks for sharing & hope you enjoy the next chapter <3
This is a sad but inevitable outcome. Both of them contributed to the death of their relationship. At this point all they can do now is watch it fall apart.
Inuyasha’s loves just turn out tragic and more tragic. His first love ended in death and betrayal, and his second… well, if he gets hit by a heart attack and dies from the truth then let’s say I’d understand 😭
“Inuyasha’s loves just turn out tragic and more tragic. ” – yeahh poor guy…not gonna lie, it’s been hard to write. I do love his silly ass 😢
Thanks for sharing, Inupapa!! <3
I haven’t commented in a while. I had waited a while so I can binge read your story and I see kagome still holding on and not coming out and admitting it. I feel like when she finally spills the beans inuyasha might just kill her and the baby and it would bring back sesshoumaru and force him to use tenseiga and not leave kagome. if kagome says something now, idk how inuyasha might react.
Yeahh it’s a very precarious situation, to be sure…
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Kimiko! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story <3
” The only thought more unbearable to her than suffering on in this way was the thought of abandoning Shin. For his sake she had to keep going, and she would. ”
With Sesshoumaru in the wind and her relationship with Inuyasha crumbling to ashes, Shin’s life depends on her now more than ever :’) The circumstances surrounding his birth are so dangerous. Currently he’s like a shadow heir of the West since he isn’t openly official yet right? Without Sess or Kagome’s protection, it’ll be open season on this young prince as soon as someone recognizes his crescent moon 😢
You raise a very valid concern – Shin’s fate seems far from secure under these circumstances.
Thanks for sharing the lines that stood out to you and your thoughts on the situation at hand, catmechanic! Hope you enjoy how things play out <3
So glad you’re back! But also glad to hear your wedding and honeymoon were perfect. ❤️
Thank you so much, L-desu!! <3