You must know that I love you.
Kagome sighed, staring off into the distance. A gust of cool breeze fanned over her cheeks.
The snows were finally melting, sloughing off the eaves of roofs and the branches of trees like old dead skins. The ground was patchy, dark where the drifts had frayed and shrunk away. Catching the light of the sun, the glittering skeins that remained looked deceptively warm.
A peeved warble drew her attention back into focus. Above her on the clothesline, Taiyoutori sat perched. His sharp golden talons held the damp, heavy sheet she’d been hanging up into place for her against the breeze.
“…Sorry,” she said, bending down carefully to pick up a couple of wooden pins. If she tipped off balance even slightly, she’d end up sprawled on her rear in the snowy muck.
Laundry, laundry, she thought glumly, one pin clamped in her teeth. The chores never seemed to stop piling up. It would only be that much worse when the baby was born, she knew. A never ending cycle of domestic duties. The prospect was so grim it sent her mind wandering again out of sheer desperation.
Inevitably, her thoughts circled back to Sesshoumaru’s confession, like a psychic whirlpool that kept sucking her in. Of course, some part of her had sensed that he might have real feelings for her. But the rational part of her mind had argued it down. She knew she would have kept telling herself that he didn’t, if he hadn’t said it as plainly as he had.
Now that he had, she didn’t know what to think.
If someone had told her seven years ago that the guy who’d just tried to melt her into goo would one day be in love with her, she’d have keeled over laughing. If they’d told her he’d also impregnate her after she was married to his brother, she wouldn’t have been able to pick herself up from the ground.
Well, here she was, standing in the middle of this absurdity. What to think aside, she was even more at a loss as to how to feel.
She had strong feelings for him, certainly. She’d admitted as much to him. What she wasn’t so certain of was what those feelings meant, if anything. In hindsight, it was probably impossible not to feel something for the guy who’d knocked you up.
But she knew there was more to it than that. She knew she was powerfully attracted to him. She knew now that she’d been drawn to him for years without fully realizing it. Back then, she’d been too young to really comprehend that kind of attraction. It was primal, intense.
Devilishly hard to resist.
She’d be lying if she said he didn’t tempt her. On some base level, she wanted him, wanted to go with him. To escape her humdrum life just like he’d said. And then what? She could imagine fucking him, sure—vividly—but what about after that? When she tried to picture some kind of life with him, her mind drew up blank.
Sesshoumaru was callous, unpredictable. He had no qualms being cagey or underhanded if it suited his aims, which were often inscrutable at best. He didn’t feel the prickle of conscience a normal man would. Because he wasn’t a man—he was a demon. She didn’t think he would be unjust to her, because he was principled in his own way, but who could say what was ‘just’ in his view? If she felt differently, he’d never see it her way, either.
Guilt aside, at the end of the day, she just didn’t trust him enough to throw in her lot with him. Not like she trusted Inuyasha. He had a human heart, and human sensibilities.
Even if he didn’t make her heart pound, he made her feel secure. Maybe too secure, at times. But was that really such a bad thing? It was her attitude, she decided, that needed adjustment.
For her even to entertain the idea of being with Sesshoumaru was proof enough that her inner compass was way out of whack.
Had she known he had romantic feelings for her, she never would have involved him. But what was done was done. The best she could do now was not to compound things any further.
“Oi, Kagome. What’s your deal?”
She turned toward the hut, to see Inuyasha standing on the porch with his arms crossed. “Nothing,” she said. “Just hanging up the laundry to dry.”
“Yeah? You’ve been standing there holding that blanket for the last five minutes.” He shook his head. “You keep spacing out like this, and I’m taking you to Kaede’s, no matter what you say.”
Kagome’s shoulders slumped. The clean hem of the blanket fell into the mud.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled.
Inuyasha snorted. “Yeah, we’ll see.”
Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi
Revised 4/3/23
I feel like I’ve been in limbo waiting for your update, but my happiness was as momentary as this chapter. Though I will painfully and faithfully await more of your excellent writing and honestly, I think what is killing me is that I feel saddened for Sesshomaru. Stuck waiting for Kagome and the opportunity to gain some of her affections, to make her see she’d be happier with him, and that she’s not just a some homewife on beck and call….
-Izzy
Thank you, Izzy! Yeah it’s kind of sad all around…
Appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the situation and hope you enjoy the next update! <3
Oh Kagome… Miss, “ I don’t trust Sesshoumaru, but I trust him enough to ask him to impregnate me,” denial is a step towards acceptance. Or so I heard, lol
Lol, yep – that’s what they say 😉
Thanks for sharing, Maya! <3
Intrigante….me preguntó si Inuyasha sospecha algo y simplemente guarda silencio, como una fiera espera por su presa.
Una bomba se avecina, cuando nazca el bebé y grite en todo sentido ” soy hijo de Ssshoumaru”
Thanks, Claribel! Yep, no doubt a bomb is coming at some point…
Appreciate you sharing your thoughts & hope you enjoy the next chapter! <3
The absolute DENIAL she’s in is getting out of hand. A few chapters, she straight up admitted to him she loved him and now, she’s backtracking and making more bs excuses. I am not gonna lie, the previous updated chapters, I honestly wanted to slap her in the face in order for her to get her shit together XD Look forward to more!
Yeah she’s admitted she feels something for him, but there’s certainly more she’s not yet able (or willing) to own up to 😉
Thanks for sharing, Pixie, and hope you enjoy the rest of the story! <3
Kagome’s emotions are so complex, but in a way I can see why her mind is going where it’s going. She’s torn between her heart and her duty. She has a lot of history with InuYasha. She’s complacent with her life with InuYasha because while his kind is not accepted in society overall he and Kagome are accepted in the village they live in and have peace. They could raise a family there without too much drama and have some
stability. She also has feelings for him, but realizes the missing piece is having a family with him. She can’t produce children with him which makes me wonder why. What if he mated with someone before her already (or during) and thus can’t mate and produce children with Kagome 👀
With Sesshoumaru, she attempted to use him to fulfill her duty to InuYasha and didn’t expect to fall in love with him, but him falling in love with her definitely wasn’t something she thought could happen which complicated their agreement. On top of that, she thinks it’d be impossible to build a life with him because of who he is. While he can claim he loves her, his duty as Lord of the Western Lands could certainly cause issues and she wouldn’t be accepted into his world nor have as comfortable a life with him without going through some major angst (which she’s already going through from her indecisiveness). Bearing his child which would be his heir is a whole other obstacle. She’d definitely have to put up a fight to have a place at his side. The story of Sesshoumaru’s father, mother, and InuYasha’s mother is probably a constant reminder to Sesshoumaru as well. He still has his own prejudices from that which split up his mother and father so it makes me wonder how he’ll manage to overcome those prejudices with a human lover and half demon child. Also, if I’m being honest here Sesshoumaru hasn’t really provided much detail on what her life would be like with him in the West. He’s only asked her to ‘leave her current life for him’ which is a lot to ask of a person when you’re not telling them exactly what they’re leaving it for. He hasn’t provided her any security for her future nor for their child.
Right now, Kagome’s weighing the pro’s and con’s of what her life would be like with InuYasha or Sesshoumaru and it looks like currently there are more cons to trying to move forward in life with Sesshoumaru (if the paternity of the child can stay a secret 🤭🤫) so she’s attempting to play it safe. Keyword is attempting because her first bonehead move was fucking Sesshoumaru and having him impregnate her thinking he wouldn’t try to at least lay claim to his own child regardless of an agreement she ‘thought’ they made. Sesshoumaru does what he wants 🥴
Ahhh so many excellent points, Blackberry! Thanks so much for sharing your insights 🙂
It’s the age old battle of heart vs. mind….Kagome is certainly trying to play it safe. But playing with fire at the same time lol
Thanks again for the awesome feedback! A joy to read your thoughts on the plot and characters 🙂 Hope you enjoy the next update!! <3