In the woods outside of the taijiya fortress, Kagome slid down from her horse and collapsed onto the shores of a swift, icy creek. Rocks bit into her knees, her palms. Frigid water crawled up the hems of her sleeves. She felt it, and she didn’t. She was aware of it, and she wasn’t. It was as if she existed outside of herself.
Numbly she shook, like some thaw within her was threatening to break. Part of her mind was black and frozen. Icy and walled-off, not safe yet to tread. Not now, perhaps not ever. Tenderly, she touched at the edges of that dark, forbidden place, and felt the burning sting of it all come back with a vengeance.
The hurt, the humiliation.
The ache in her jaw, the soreness in her throat—these were background sensations compared to the pain that gnawed her up inside. A pain that bent her over into the creek as she sobbed and heaved in vain to lift it. With trembling hands, she caught at the current, crushed sloshing handfuls to her face.
You can forget this, she told herself, squeezing her eyes shut as she clenched her teeth and dug her nails into her brow. You don’t have to remember. You won’t…
But between the black burning holes in her mind, fragments of memory glared out at her, still.
A hard hand in the hair at her nape, dragging her forward.
Pitiless dark eyes boring down into hers even as they glazed.
The brusque wet wrench, after. The cast of disgust in his features as he remained turned away.
But worst of all those parting words, so drenched in resentment Kagome knew she could never unhear them—
“I would have married her anyway.”
…
Spiritless and defeated, Kagome returned to Edo. Circling around to the main road south, she did her best to arrange her soulless expression into one of mere fatigue, when Rin came to meet her at the gates.
“How was your trip?” the girl asked as she followed Kagome to the stables. “Do you think your old ally will lend us aid?”
The miko let her grim silence speak for itself.
As the days passed, Kagome’s emotional state improved only slightly. Though she didn’t actively dwell on any specifics, a dark pall seemed to have been cast over that forbidden place in her mind. Anytime she strayed too close to the fringes, she felt the whisper of those formless black thoughts creeping in. Increasingly, she found it difficult to focus. Before she even realized it, she would be spaced-out and scowling—sometimes even faintly glowing—and the fearful, anxious looks of those around her became a pressing concern.
Something vital in her had been damaged, perhaps beyond repair. Accepting this fact gave her a measure of clarity.
It was a start.
By the time Kohaku and his army arrived in Edo, she had relaxed into an apathy that was almost tolerable. The people’s jubilation at their return should have cheered her, but all Kagome could feel was grudging relief.
From a distance she watched as Kohaku approached Rin. A little apart from them, Uetsugi stood with his lieutenants behind him, and Kagome remembered their exchange on the steps.
“…Uetsugi-dono, will you do me a favor?”
“Of course, Kagome-sama—whatever you ask.”
“Send word to Kohaku by the fastest means you can. And if he does return to Edo, after…”
Tears glittered on Rin’s smiling face, as Kohaku took her hands in his.
“…make sure Rin-chan knows it was you alone who did so.”
Having seen enough to set her mind at ease, Kagome started to leave. Yet as she turned, Kohaku’s eyes snared hers across the distance. The enmity in that brief, shared look confirmed what she already knew: so long as they breathed the same air, there would never be anything but bitter strife between them.
For herself Kagome accepted this. For him as well.
But Rin deserved to live in peace.
This much at least, Kagome could give her.
Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi
Ok, so kagome is going to hit the road, is she? Where to? How long before she crosses paths with either hirokin or sesshomaru, or both?
I can’t imagine the debauchery that will ensue…
😉 good times ahead
<3
Oof it feels like this story is really coming to its conclusion— so many of the side threads seem to be resolving to spectacular dramatic effect… leaving the heart of the conflict ready to roar. I’ve followed this story avidly for YEARS and cannot wait to see where you take it from here. This has honestly been one of the utmost satisfying reading experiences I have ever had. Thank you so much for sending this masterpiece out into the world.
Adlyb!! Thank you so much <3
I can't believe after all these years (a full year more than I'd ever expected lol) we're getting toward the end! So appreciate all your support and encouragement on this journey 🙂
Hope you and baby are doing great! <3
Ah so you decided to skip right over their encounter. Perhaps that makes sense. It was never about the sex–it was about dominance and debasement. Still, I am a little disappointed that after all that, one shallow encounter was the pinnacle of their relationship. I suppose Kagome has redeemed herself in relation to her actions towards Rin. She has learned from the past, and is now happy to keep her in blissful ignorance rather than brutally expose her to the harshness of the world. Kohaku is foul and, in my eyes, irredeemable after all of this. I hope he’ll be very miserable in the wake of wreaking so much of it.
As for Kagome…I don’t really know what to think. She has clearly been deeply affected and damaged by her callous encounter with Kohaku. But on the other hand, I think she has started to really grow and learn herself. She used to regard sex and desire as a tool she could use and dispense at will, but I think this pitiless exchange has cured her of this cavalier attitude. I think she will either dispense with sex entirely and become a celibate priestess or she will resolve to only have meaningful sex from now on. I don’t mean she should become a prude, but that these transactional encounters have served only to diminish her self worth and feelings of control, rather than liberate her. I don’t know what the future holds for her, but I hope Sesshoumaru doesn’t next encounter her as a diminished and empty shell without hope. That’s the last thing Kagome needs right now.
“Ah so you decided to skip right over their encounter. ” – yep! I debated how much detail to go into, but I think the aftermath was more important to flesh out (no pun intended lol) 🙂
“I don’t mean she should become a prude, but that these transactional encounters have served only to diminish her self worth and feelings of control, rather than liberate her.” – well said, so well said! story aside, i kinda want to get on a soap box and preach this <3
Thanks for sharing, dear Alex!!
I like how Kagome hardened herself to her moment with Kohaku. Not letting the enemy see you sweat is always the way to go. Kohaku is surely going to feel some type of way when she leaves him behind. But where then will she go? Perhaps become a traveling Miko again like the olden days?
“I like how Kagome hardened herself to her moment with Kohaku. ” <3 so glad you liked that response!
Hope you enjoy where she goes from here 🙂
I hate Rin, she choose what she did to have sex and now all have to help her….. and she gets her happy ending by acting as a spoiled child going there to have sex and never thinking of the consequences or maybe she wanted that……
All trying to keep her in the dark … growing up means accepting the consequences of your actions….
“growing up means accepting the consequences of your actions….” – this is true 🙂
thanks for sharing, Mari! <3