When she looked at him now, Kagome almost didn’t recognize the person staring back at her. Assessing her, it seemed. Where was the boy who used to blush whenever she drew near, to steal shy glances at her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking? That boy was gone, she realized. And now she stood in the presence of yet another sharp-eyed stranger on the take.
“You’re just like him,” Kagome accused. “Trying to reduce me to a set of favors to be bought and sold. But I won’t sell myself, Kohaku-kun—not to you. Not to anyone.”
“I’m not asking you to ‘sell yourself’,” Kohaku replied, scowling in distaste. “I’m asking you to marry me.”
“What’s the difference?” Kagome shot back.
Kohaku’s eyes narrowed. “To a respectable woman, a great deal, I should think.”
But Kagome wasn’t convinced. Gods above, how many more marriage proposals would she have to entertain? This latest made for three in as many days’ time. It seemed the only male around her who hadn’t proposed to her was Sesshoumaru, and her expression soured at the thought.
“You want to trap me in this marriage, Kohaku-kun. Don’t you deny that.”
“Do you really think I’d mistreat you?”
“No,” she said with a grumble. “But that doesn’t mean you’d make a good husband for me, either.”
Kohaku glared at her in open challenge. “As if you’re any judge of that. Your first marriage was a failure. All you and Inuyasha ever did was fight like cats and dogs, always hissing and snapping at one another, until he’d storm out on you in a rage, and you’d sob yourself hoarse on my sister’s shoulder, night after night—”
“Shut up,” Kagome said, low and harsh, her clenched fists shaking in her sleeves. “You don’t know anything about it.”
“I know I’d make a better husband for you than he did.” When Kagome’s look turned downright homicidal, Kohaku smiled grimly. “But you can’t let yourself see that, can you? Because then you’d have to acknowledge that your heart is capable of moving on from him, and just the thought of that terrifies you.”
Kagome tasted iron on her tongue. She’d bitten the inside of her cheek so hard it bled.
”I don’t love you, Kohaku. That isn’t going to change.”
But to her surprise he gave a short, bitter laugh. “I don’t need you to love me. Your concept of love is a warped and wretched thing. You sanctify the dead and condemn the living—who could ever measure up to the memories of those you’ve lost? No one—and that’s the point exactly. I don’t know what happened to you to make you think this way. But you’re incapable of love, except in hindsight, and still you married Inuyasha anyway.”
Kagome’s heart was beating hard and fast. Her palms were clammy. A faint sheen of tears misted her eyes.
She’d never felt so torn down, laid bare. She wanted to lay into him in turn, to tear apart those cutting accusations he’d leveled against her. But mostly, she just wanted to be done with it all.
“I won’t marry you, Kohaku-kun, and it isn’t just because I don’t love you.” Evenly, she matched his stare. “It’s because I don’t see you as a man.”
This was only half-true, but Kagome watched her words hit their mark with grim satisfaction, as Kohaku’s features slackened and fell. For a moment, his stricken gaze widened at her, and she saw an image of that lost little boy, contemplating her in despair. Then, abruptly, he turned away.
Pained, Kagome started to step toward him, before he said to her, clipped and toneless, “Get out.”
Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi
You do broken so beautifully.
“Your concept of love is a warped and wretched thing,” he says to her, though it would be equally true aimed at any number of others.
Now I’m not even climbing up Rising Action mountain but swept along Angst River like Hirokin was flooding the place.
Or maybe that’s a bit of The Pact coloring my read – I’ve burned through it and that miko is mired in misery of her own making.
Thanks for another string of updates, what fun!
“Now I’m not even climbing up Rising Action mountain but swept along Angst River like Hirokin was flooding the place.” XD love it!!
Yep, I can definitely see some Pact-like angst in this scene for sure! <3
So glad you're enjoying the updates, friend!! Thanks so much 🙂
god DAYAM, but that little boy’s tongue got sharp! But so did his perception, at least it seems so to me. He chopped her down to size pretty well – i didn’t even recognize a lot of those things about her, but now that he says it…
Not that she didn’t get a nice (deserved) deep dig of her own there, and pretty much nailed it on the head. but they both always knew that, and it had to be one of his biggest fears for her to acknowledge it. Getting a little big for his britches, but i can’t help but feel bad for him, poor kid. he has his reasons for being a dick, but its kinda his fault too for following his the way he does. that thing will get u in trouble, boys. Can’t he just go be with Rin lol?
And something I’ve been considering for a while – bc while i am very biased, i never considered sesshoumaru to be the monster he appears (completely) – it’s seeming more and more like he is the most decent male around… at least in some isolated capacities. he wants her to genuinely want him, and that seems to be what he’s trying to finagle (maybe sex is just how he thinks he can do that lol), he looks out for her and tries to help in his way, and he pretty much goes along with much of what she wants. last time, that line stuck out at me ‘to take advantage, she’d have to let him…’ he almost seems tender with her. or maybe i’m just the type to write serial killers in jail, lol, idk.
gets me to thinking about what makes a man decent. you know how guys who complain that girls never go for ‘nice guys’ like them tend to be the slimiest of them all, and the worst part is that they don’t see it? maybe all these other greasy dudes will make her realize sess ain’t so bad. and maybe after the slayer siblings both gave her a harsh dose of medicine, she can start to come to terms with it… or maybe she will implode and take the universe with her?? That’s why i love you; i couldn’t hope to guess XD
You’re so right! I just had the same thought of Kohaku being a “nice guy”—only nice so long as you validate their world view and desire to sleep with you. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say Sesshoumaru is the most decent—in some ways I think this is the darkest iteration of him just because he is so manipulative. But I think Kagome is a bit of an exception to his overall world view. He respects and values her and sees her for who she really is. In that way, I think he definitely is her best match.
Waah thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on all this, susie!! <3 I can't help but feel bad for Kohaku, too, no matter what he does - he's just been through so much... but then, so has Kagome in this story ;_;
Also, gotta say this killed me: "or maybe i’m just the type to write serial killers in jail, lol, idk." XD
Yeah gimme a man of the strong and silent variety any day over these "nice guys" you mentioned!! Hope you enjoy where the story goes from here~ <3 <3 <3
Ugh I despise Kohaku so much. Whenever I start to sympathize with him he says something totally devastating and uncalled for. Kagome never asked for him to put her on a pedestal and develop some weird sexual obsession with her. Yet he blames and castigates her constantly. He needs to get over himself. I had the vivid mental image of Kagome making a pro-con list for all her different suitors while reading this lol. So does she have one more proposal to go or will Sesshoumaru surprise us? Don’t think I didn’t notice that his is the only one she secretly longs for!
😉
“I had the vivid mental image of Kagome making a pro-con list for all her different suitors while reading this lol. ” Ahahah and now I’m envisioning this inventory myself! XD
Thanks for sharing, Alex!! <3 <3 <3
Sesshoumaru has been trying to get with Kagome from the start. Sesshoumaru won’t marry her. Just mate her and put a pup in her. He’s not playing around unlike the other guys with cheap marriage proposals for convenience. Everything Sesshoumaru does is calculated 😅
Haha he certainly does tend to do things in his own way! 😉 Thanks for sharing, friend!! Hope you enjoy the next part 🙂 <3 <3 <3