In a haze of distress, Kagome returned to her home. Throwing Tessaiga back into the trunk, she slammed the lid down upon it and reached for the nearest bottle of sake. Draining it, she scrabbled for another, and another still.
In vain, she attempted to drown out the last few hours, to erase them from recent memory. She couldn’t even remember what she’d done that morning, but her conversation with Hirokin continued to torment her. In her spinning head, the words and images replayed like a carnival ride gone off the rails—lurid and whirring and shrill. As her gorge began to rise, she staggered toward the door.
Cold sunlight scorched her where she stood. Swallowing down the frigid air in gulps, she clutched at the doorframe, sagged against it. The boards of the porch steps seemed to warp and buckle in her skewed perception. Screwing her eyes briefly shut, she stumbled down them and groped her way half-blind toward the forest’s edge.
The shade of the trees did little to soothe the turbulence that churned within her. Falling to her knees, Kagome clutched at her stomach with an agonized sob. It wasn’t so much Hirokin’s talk of sedition that had caused this upheaval as her own galling inner resistance to it. Violently, she purged herself, again and again. But this sick feeling she could not expel. Like a ball of thorns, it remained, lodged in the pit of her being, chafing at her from within. With every gasping breath, she felt it still.
The Shikon no Tama had burst from her of its own accord. Of this crystallized bitter anguish, Kagome feared the same. Powerless, she lay back against the scratchy trunk of a pine. Her eyes wept, helplessly and ceaselessly. Her throat burned.
More than anything she longed to do nothing. But in her mind’s beleaguered eye she saw a train of ravaged female corpses, stretching out into infinity. She had no choice but to move forward, in rebellion or submission; even if she tried to stay still, the current of time would sweep her along just the same. Collision with Sesshoumaru was inevitable, either way.
As he had so cruelly stated to her, it was her choice.
“Damn you, Sesshoumaru,” Kagome muttered. Glaring into the dark, brooding wilderness that seemed the very embodiment of him, she twisted her fingers into the dead needles that pricked her like so many claws. “…Damn you for making me feel this way.”
Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi
Guilty Kagome < Bad Bitch Kagome. Kagome feels so guilty. I feel for her, but she did make a choice. Stand by it and move forward sis. All is not lost. Take advantage of the good from it.
“Guilty Kagome < Bad Bitch Kagome" XD Love hearing your thoughts on this chap!! Thanks for sharing <3
Hmmm…interesting. This moment seems particularly pertinent given the last side story about dualities of nature. It seems Kagome must finally start to confront her own duality rather than continuing to march forward in a state of righteous obliviousness. It seems like this could be a positive development for the SessKag relationship, as now that Kagome has been presented with a viable alternative, perhaps she will start to accept how much her actions have been influenced by repressed feelings for her brother-in-law. Looking forward to the next installment, Char!
Thanks, Alex!! Hope you enjoy 🙂 & glad you liked how the side-story events wove into the main narrative here <3 <3
OH! MY! GOD!
Had to reread part 97 because kjdfalkjfkajfklajkfjdaklfjda oh how I ADORE the way that Kagome can realize that Hirokin is right– that she loves Sesshoumaru, and yet you write it in such a coldly horrifying way, I can really feel the depths of Kagome’s despair and distress over this truth. Your characterization of Kagome is so beautifully human and flawed– her addiction/reliance on alcohol has this visceral, sad, all too relatable quality to it– and you always write about her anguish in these physically potent ways– cold sweats, rising gorge, torrents of self-hatred and guilt and repulsive longing. My favorite line was the line about these feelings bursting from her, fully crystalized, just like the Shikon no Tama. What a beautiful parallel.
I’m just. Gah, flailing and speechless over the gorgeous levels of angst here– maybe I’m way off base but this chapter read to me as Kagome realizing she may actually love Sesshoumaru, and must submit to those feelings of her own choice, and it’s so masterfully written because of course she can’t even directly repeat Hirokin’s words to herself. Looking very forward to finding out if I’m right!!!!
Waah, thank you so much!! I’ve been looking forward to sharing this story moment for a while 🙂 So glad you found it gripping and realistic within the context of the tale!!
Absolutely loved hearing your feedback and thoughts on this part! Thanks so much for sharing your reactions, friend!! <3 <3
I could not agree more.
Kagome, no matter how many distractions she wants to hurl herself into, she will never get pass the fact that she will inevitably make the choice she fears so much.
Char makes Gourmet Angst, and we eat that s@*t up!!! 🥰