What have I done?

Frozen, Sesshoumaru stared down at his bloodied claws, the image of Kagome’s sundered flesh fixed beneath them still. He had mutilated her. With these hands, he had maimed an innocent girl–mauled her, like a rabid beast.

Her blood glared up at him in accusation–from his skin, from his hair, from the ground below. So drenched in red, the grass no longer moved in the breeze, the cracks in his caked knuckles revealing only another layer of crimson underneath. The sight of carnage had never before unsettled him, but this… Revolted to the core, he forced himself to look upon the evidence of her suffering, self-disgust welling like acid in his throat.

He had been right, in the end–

He was not like his father. His father would never have done this to Izayoi.

I am nothing, he realized. Lower than an animal.

Kagome should have put him down like an animal. She could have–but instead, she had lain there and let him brutalize her to the point of death. Because she was above retaliation–because she was above him.

Because she loved him.

Kagome…

Sesshoumaru bowed his head in deepest shame.

He would live out the rest of his days in regret and disgrace, in the shadow of a dream of what his life might have been had he not wronged her. This nightmare was his reality, but for now he must put his own misery aside and face her, unworthy though he was. Somehow, she had survived, and she needed his aid.

But when he tore his eyes away at last from the site of his transgressions, Kagome was not there.

She had left the grove–and its protection. Instantly, Sesshoumaru was alarmed. There were any number of beasts and youkai in this area who might attempt to prey on a lone human girl–and with her in such a vulnerable state…

Dressing quickly, he followed the meandering trail of her blood down the rocky slope. She had fallen often, each desperate streak and smear hitting him like a physical blow, the salt of her tears stinging him as he scented the air. As dawn broke, he reached the end of the trail. Bracing himself at the sight of her gathered blood, Sesshoumaru rounded the wide aged tree before him and approached the slab of weathered stone.

Once again, Kagome was nowhere to be seen–yet there was another scent here beside her own.

The scent of an unfamiliar demon.

Sesshoumaru’s hackles rose as he scoured the area, the intruder’s malevolent aura still tainting the air. Whoever this youkai was, he was formidable, dread sinking through him as he imagined Kagome facing such an enemy alone. His dread intensified as he pursued their combined trails upward, taking to the sky in a burst of youki.

Only a short distance up, the trail abruptly ended, and Sesshoumaru drew to a halt in midair in stark disbelief. Just like Kagura’s, their scents had simply vanished.

Just like Kagura’s…

Anguished, Sesshoumaru sank back to the ground. Could this unknown demon be yet another of Naraku’s incarnations? If so, Kagome was no doubt already in his grasp–and at his mercy.

The thought choked him with desperate fury. How could he have been so careless? Thoughtlessly, he had taken her away from her allies, away from Entei–away even from her weapons. So absorbed in his own grief, he had left her alone–gravely wounded and defenseless–to fend for herself against their adversary. He should have known Naraku would be waiting for such an opportunity. He should have known…

Guilt and remorse overwhelmed him as he fell to his knees before the stone, touching his sullied claws to the small, bloody imprint of Kagome’s fingers. How long he remained this way was impossible to say. Only when he felt a familiar presence land beside him did Sesshoumaru look up at last.

Hard and red, Entei’s eyes bore into his own. The horse youkai must have tracked Kagome here through the bond they shared, and at his stillness, Sesshoumaru came to know a new depth of despair. Wherever she was, it was a place not even her soul-bound companion could reach her.

Truly, Kagome was lost.

The others were not far behind Entei. Sesshoumaru stood slowly as Jakken and Ah-Un alighted nearby, the imp’s salutations dying in his throat as he beheld him. Cautiously, Jakken approached, hovering at the corner of Sesshoumaru’s vision as he continued to stare down at the stain of Kagome’s blood.

“Sesshoumaru-sama,” the taijiya hailed him as she leapt down from the transformed feline, the monk hurrying after her. “Sesshoumaru-sama, where is–”

The slayer skidded to a sudden halt, her eyes widening at the bloodied rock before her. “…Kagome-chan?” Horrified, she drew closer. “Where is she,” she asked, her voice rising in panic as her eyes snapped to his, “where is Kagome-chan?”

Hollowly, Sesshoumaru met her gaze. “She is gone.”

“Gone?” Dark eyes scanned his face, sharpening as they fell to the gore beneath his claws. “You…” she said lowly, advancing. “What did you do to her?–you attacked her, didn’t you?”

Jakken leapt forward in a rage. “How dare you, taijiya! Sesshoumaru-sama would never–”

“Yes,” Sesshoumaru confessed, looking down at Kagome’s red handprint once more, “I attacked her.”

“You monster,” the slayer seethed, whipping her youkai bone weapon over her shoulder and bringing it down upon him.

Transfixed by Kagome’s blood still, Sesshoumaru dodged Sango’s strike narrowly, his eyes sliding reluctantly to her as the monk pulled her back.

“Sango,” Miroku said tersely as he restrained the distraught demon slayer, “calm yourself.”

“Calm myself?!” the taijiya cried, rounding on him. “This–this demon,” she spat, glaring back at Sesshoumaru, “savaged Kagome-chan!”

Despite the monk’s hold, she strained a few vicious inches toward the daiyoukai. “Did you devour her?” she accused, Sesshoumaru bearing the insult in resignation. “Did you rip her to pieces, you sadistic beast? She was right to flee from you all those months ago–she should have stayed,” the taijiya sobbed angrily, her words lancing through him. “She should have stayed away–far away from you.”

The monk held her to his chest as she sagged against him. “Kagome-chan…Kagome-chan, why…”

As the slayer continued to weep, Sesshoumaru turned away, Miroku’s fierce eyes glaring into his back as well. Even Jakken was staring at him in wary shock as Sesshoumaru took to the air once more.

Perhaps Kagome had vanished from this realm. Perhaps Naraku or another had stolen her away to a separate dimension altogether. But no matter where she was and who had taken her, Sesshoumaru would not rest until he had found her and set her free–even if he had to tear down the gates of hell itself.

This would be his first act of repentance. This he vowed.

Eyes sharpening with resolve, Sesshoumaru flew south.

---

Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi

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